Subject: ARE THESE ALL YOURS?
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2001 17:04:59 -0600
Organization: Sacred Heart Homeschool Family
To: William Zambrano MD

ARE ALL THOSE YOURS?

by Maureen Braun January 27, 2001

Today, I was in the grocery store shopping with my four children. We go to the store together, often, so we have a methodology to facillitate a "quick trip". The youngest is three, and she sits in the seat of the cart. Next we have our six year old girl, who hangs on to the end of the cart for a ride. The boys are seven and nine. They walk along beside the cart, careful to stay in front or behind, when others are approaching the cart in a narrow isle. We each remember certain assigned items we need for our home....quite effective, in lieu of a shopping list.

A woman who appeared to be a young 40, was reaching over to get a head of lettuce at the same bin we were "parked" along side of. I smiled at her and commented on the wilted appearance of the produce...of which she was having a hard time in choosing...she agreed. She remarked how everything is "sub-par nowadays". I agreed with, "Yep. Everything seems to be sized down these days!"

As these words came from my mouth, I noticed her distraction as we strolled back to our carts....she was intently staring at my cart filled with and surrounded by my "loveys". She saw me accept my "driver's position"-as the kids call it-and I waited in expectant anticipation for the inevitable remarks, "Oh, what beautiful children you have..." or "They are sowell-behaved!"

This pleasant woman exclaimed, "Are all those yours?" "Yes." I answered with maternal pride. "Oh,I feel sorry for you!" she chirps. My eyes surely bugged out and my mouth dropped open. A "humphhh" of shock and dismay came from my mouth.

I imagine that rather than succomb to what she thought should be some poor over-stressed-wreck of a mother's tirade against rudeness, she mumbled a quick, "Oh, I just mean they get expensive...(unintelligible)...sorry." I replied, "That's ok, I understand." And we parted.

What I understand is the exhaustion some parents feel when confronted with the real situation of being around their children for more than a couple hours a day. I used to be one of those parents....Haggardly, stressed out and frazled.

Daycare and then school was a panacea for this ailment of my soul-this failing to embrace my children wholeheartedly. I loved my children to distraction, yet they were not my favorite company to be around. I gave them some thought during the day, hoping they are ok. I prayed for their safety. I welcomed them home. I listened to what I considered to be prattle...and shooed them out to play, to their chores or out of the room. Next time of contact-Dinner. After dinner, I would make them do homework, help them do homework, or yell at them for not understanding their homework. In the small daily time I spent with them, I was content that I was "putting in my mommy time".

But, bedtime was what I longed for! THEIR bedtime. I couldn't wait to be left alone and be still, read a book, watch TV in peace. Talk to my husband without interruptions.

In my mind, I was a good mom. They were loved,fed,clothed and just fine. Nevermind, that I couldn't take being with them for over a couple of hours a day. Forget too, that summer was something to be dreaded, as they grew.... Now, my children were very well behaved...in front of us. My husband kept good discipline. The tip-off of disfunction was our oldest boy getting into trouble at school. He was in second grade, another boy in first and a daughter in kindergarten. The squabbling, fighting and sibling rivalry was at a crescendo.

Their grades were acceptable, yet an undercurrent of resistance to authority became evident. Finally, our oldest boy was consistantly in trouble, and the Principal was forced to call me a couple of times. We tried everthing to control the situation. Punishments, rewards and restrictions did nothing. Corporal punishment was a last resort and indeed, "hurt us more than it hurt him" if the tears of my husband and myself could be offered as evidence. The spankee was on the couch, watching TV -dry eyed!

In February, my husband went with our son to a parent-child Valentine party. I always sent my husband to these parent/child parties....the ole' "Honey, it is much more special for them if YOU go" worked and he always took them...he found that our son's desk had been placed up and behind the teachers desk. He was facing a wall. Not good news for us. Worse news was that it had been this way for 5 months, and no one informed us. Yet, we had frequent notes telling us "he just isn't paying attention!". A man came up to my husband to complain about our son...he had spit on his son's glasses and called him names. My husband was furious! Party's OVER. Or so wethought! Next week, our son along with his associates with were "censored" for sexual harrassment! Second grade??? What???!!! Guilty as charged.

Why was this happening, I asked myself over and over. What were we doing wrong? We didn't talk trashy at home, we didn't watch bad programs on TV, we certainly didn't allow our children to watch anything other than PBS children's programming...the Learning Channel and History Channel with us in attendence or our favorite the Home and Garden Channel.

We were at our proverbial wit's end. In my prayers at the Consecration when The Savior is elevated, I begged God to fix what was going wrong in our home. "Please fix my son!"I prayed.

Curiously enough, I was drawn towards homeschooling. For over 3 months, I had been educating myself on the topic. I had met a nice family who did it successfully, although it was due to the father's transient job transfers with his company....and she was an angel-mommy straight from Heaven. Why would I even consider to put myself in a situation to be around my kids 24/7? It was insanity, I imagined. My husband assured me that I was, indeed, insane and possibly needed some heavy duty counseling. He pointed out the obvious: I am bereft of patience, I do not find children interesting, I lose my temper trying to help them with their homework and I am an unorganized procrastinator with a penchant for "forgetting" my housework.

While all of my faults were glaringly true, homeschooling sounded so..."olden dayish". One of my good points is that I can read quite quickly and retain what I have read. I devoured books like "Little House on the Prairie" as a child. And I still enjoy them. I have a fascination with the olden days. Historical fictions were a favorite of mine...and homeschooling and the traditional "mothering" really attracted me. I longed for that type of mothering-the be all, end all, mom who is the center of her children's life, after God, of course.

Now, if you'd have asked my children, they would have said, "Mom gets annoyed a lot", "Mom is grouchy sometimes", "Mom hardly ever wants to play with us..." "She tells me, "Go away and find something to do!" They still may say these things, when properly polled, yet it is a lot less common than before.

In March of 2000, we pulled our children out of the public school system and began homeschooling. Sure, there were the skeptical family members who were genuinely concerned and for a good reason, might I add. There were the school teachers, who told my son, "You'll be back" possibly secretly hoping he wouldn't be....

And there were the supporters...those who already homeschooled who gave me support long-distance, a close friend (whose mother is a teacher), who encouraged me to try.

This March will be our one year anniversary for Sacred Heart Homeschool. It also marks the beginning of a new motherhood for me, a fresh start for a good boy and an adventure I hope never ends.

Right along with the Sacrament of Marriage, God gives parents the Grace to teach their children. God used my children and my love for them to begin to heal my soul. He showed me the way to get what I longed for-mothering skills. He brought us all down low,so we could open our hearts, to show us a new way-olden dayish.

Olden dayish is one of my word inventions my husband teases me about....yet, doesn't it fit? I am with my children 24/7. I begin the day and end the day with them. I am actually enjoying them and their "prattle" and they enjoy the attention. It feels unnatural to be away from them now. I am the happiest I have ever been....and I they are too. This is a big gift from God, as we had our home and everything in it, destroyed in a flash flood with no insurance coverage....yet, curiously enough, that satisfied peace remains. We are all closer than ever.

My husband and I are very happy together and with the children. We play games with them in the evening and talk to them about everything under the sun, wholesome and Catholic, that is.The TV isn't paid much attention to when Dad is home anymore.

Homeschooling has done wonders for his fatherhood as well. That is another story in itself. We have had to make sacrifices but it is a sweet burden for all the rewards in return.

Do I still have petty problems and annoyances that come from having children? You bet. The difference is that they are small and easily rectified.The PRINCIPAL is my husband and Sacred Heart Homeschool has been known in the beginning to use corporal punishment. That was once. They are being educated using a Catholic curriculm, that adheres to the True Teaching of the Catholic Church handed down for nearly 2,000 years, in union with the Holy Father. Boy, are they learning at a quick pace.....no wonder homeschoolers seem to win a lot of the scholarly competitions.

My heart is stretched open with love for my children I started to get to know for the first time. I desire for them to be children of God first, and secure and at peace. Their salvation is our primary responsibilty, as parents. We make sure they are taught the indepth beauty of Jesus' Church and her Teachings, which are multi-faceted precious jewels. As a family, we are making our way towards the Cross, which leads to Heaven, fortified by the Sacraments of Holy Mother Church.

This new increased feeling of maternal devotion reminds me how much more our Heavenly Father loves us. He will go to any effort to help us be the person He created. In my case, that person is a wife and a mother. Although I am a most inept instrument for God to use,a worthless piece of metal, He has molded me more to His liking, put my hand to the plow, and welded it there. And I have a smile on my face, because of it.