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Raising Kids for the Journey Alone by Doris J. M. Ballard      Everyone wants their kids to grow up and be successful. Having a child grow up to be a drifter, a criminal, a drug abuser ... all inflict a feeling of failure on the heart of a parent. Parents are proud of kids who do well in college, rise quickly in business, start successful companies ... make a positive mark on the world around them.      Many parents, if not most, seem to find self-fulfillment in a child who succeeds in the world. They'll be quick to tell you that their son is the president of a big company, or that their daughter is the head of an important department in a big well known laboratory. Not a bad thing in itself. But, as Christians, we're taught that the "world" is a passing a thing, a temporary journey toward a Greater Place. As Christians, we're taught that "success in the world" doesn't necessarily equate success in achieving the goal of the journey: Salvation. In fact, these "successes" are often at opposite poles.      Imagine packing your bags for a journey to a far away place, concentrating only on the trip. You pack some snacks, a book to read, a pillow to lean your head back on ... all great things for a nice, comfortable voyage. With each passing day, the journey takes its toll, and you become more and more wrinkled and less and less sweet smelling. When you get to the other end, you're filthy and wrinkled, you have nothing to change into, and you don't even have a toothbrush to freshen up your breath because you just didn't plan for the destination! Won't you look (and smell) great when you get to your host's home? Your host will feel slighted that you though so little of him that you couldn't have arrived at his door better prepared. What will the ultimate Host think with the way you arrive at His door if you've prepared for that Destination in the same short sighted way?      How many parents, either consciously or subconsciously, nudge their children toward worldly rather than spiritual goals? A priest who is a friend of mine once told me that he's actually seen parents crying in disappointment when a son has chosen the priesthood instead of marriage. How sad! No wonder there are fewer and fewer priests! Those same parents undoubtedly would not have cried if the same son had chosen to become a doctor, or a lawyer. Which part of the journey were they focusing on for their son: the passing voyage itself, or the destination?      Yes, it's difficult to tell a child that they can't be part of a sports team at school because all of the pre-game practices are on Saturday night, and the games are played on Sunday morning! But if the parent doesn't tell the child the very first time such a situation comes up that belonging to the team would make it impossible for him to attend Mass, and that the journey is not more than the destination, how will that child learn to put his salvation first? Will he be able to put salvation first in business, when following the law of Charity may mean failure, and getting ahead may necessitate dishonest practices? Will he be able to put salvation first when he has to decide which lake side camp to purchase ... a more expensive, less attractive one near enough to a church to continue receiving the Sacraments and attending Mass, or a less expensive more attrative one out in the boonies with no church within a day's drive? Will the thought even cross his mind?      The child who grows into an adult who's spent his life thus far putting the journey ahead of the destination will more than likely teach his children the same thing, if not in words, then in example. And so, here we have the original parents with a far heavier weight of responsibility: one for the way they led their own lives, one for the manner of living that their children have learned from them, and then the same again for their grandchildren ... and on down through the generations until, hopefully, someone in the chain of descendants sees the imbalance and corrects it.      There's no doubt, especially now, that it's hard, and even heartbreaking, to tell a child that we love and would give our lives for that he can't follow the "in crowd." Peer pressure in schools will break all but the most mature, self-assured children. Popularity is a strong draw on the human soul. Being liked and accepted by our peers is important. Some children are more advanced than others, and more readily understand why putting the destination ahead of the journey is vital. But some don't see that far ahead, or are not as firm in their commitment. It's the parent's responsibility to train the child to aim for salvation all of his youth, until he's matured enough to make the decision for himself. And the parent is not always the only influence on the child. Sometimes drastic measures need to be taken ...      Of my own four kids, the two eldest were very susceptible to peer pressure, and the younger two less so. As they got older, it became harder to "nudge" the older ones in the right direction. Our struggles became more complex, and eventually settled into an "us against them" pattern. I could see the older kids beginning to resent even having to go to church, never mind putting church first. I worried that the youngest two would eventually adopt the attitude of their older siblings. I knew that I had to do something ...      ... And I did. I took them out of school. I bought a ton of used books, and began to homeschool them. I emphasized the destination over the journey in day by day living examples. I'd like to say that this was the end of our problems. Unfortunately, it wasn't. I'd waited far too long with the oldest two, since one was in high school, and the other in junior high. It made a difference, but nowhere near enough. It was far too little, far too late. In this case, only time will tell if too late was better than not at all.      As for the younger two, the results were very different. Both are young adults now. They say a daily family Rosary, belong to the Marian Movement, and fast twice weekly. Both are active Knights of Columbus, and belong to a council which is exemplary in its efforts to save the unborn. Both have spiritual wisdom not often seen in even many adults today. I've learned to value their advice over the years.      And I have to ask myself: What if I had started sooner???      Now I have the guilt of knowing that my oldest two, unless they experience some sort of epiphany the likes of which I was never able to spark for them, will pass their priorities on to their children. My grandchildren. I sat in indecision too long, and allowed the world to exert a greater influence on them than I did for too many years. I'm sure the Lord and I will discuss this in length when He and I come face to face.      I'm also sure, however, that the two youngest will pass their own clear-sightedness and priorities on to their children. Just as I can be certain that they will continue to pray the Rosary, fast, and offer sacrifices for the salvation of their older siblings.      Children learn what they live. We can teach them through action, or inaction ... and in either case their open minds will absorb whatever we exhibit before them, be it good or bad. Their arrival safe and sound at the end of their journey relies in a great part on how we prepare them for the destination. And so does ours.